Atlantic Canada Information's June 2004 Updates 

 

Previous Updates March & April 04 Feb 04  Jan 04   Dec 03 Oct & Nov 03  Sept 03 Aug 03 July 03 June 03 May 03 April 03 Mar 2003 Feb 2003 Jan 2003 Dec 2002

Notice: Due to a personal move (re-location) updates have not been timely and may continue this way for a short while. Please continue to add content and links. Thank you!!!

June 5 2004

Atlantic Soul Bodyworks -- Handmade Bath & Body Products Made in Nova Scotia

Fitline Wellness Nahrungsergänzung -- Fitline Wellness in Perfektion ! May not be Canadian but it was submitted.

Northumberland County, New Brunswick, Canada -- Welcome To Your Northumberland County, New Brunswick, Canada- Website


NEVER SAY TO A COP

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

 3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good  job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other
 cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been
 drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyeslook

glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

 
Condoms for 99 cents?
The 99 Cent stores was running an ad for a box of condoms for 99 cents. Do you know what you call men who buy condoms for 99 cents?.........................Daddy

A TRUE CANADIAN
 It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there.
 "No," says the neighbor. "The seat is empty."
 "This is incredible", said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for final game of the Stanley Cup playoffs and not use it?"
The neighbor says "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."
 "Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
 The man shakes his head "No. They're all at the funeral."

A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on its final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto".
He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot says to the
pilot, "Well, skipper, watcha gonna do in Toronto?"
"Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big c--p.... then I'm gonna take that new stewardess
with the huge set out for dinner..... then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and put it to her big time all night."
Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle trying to get a look at the new stewardess.
Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane. She's so embarrassed that she starts to run to try and get to
the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes.
The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta take a sh-t first."

 

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern New Brunswick.

The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies (thinking "Isn't that obvious?").

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment! For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day, ma'am," said the warden and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.